The Memoirs of a Sadist
by lone-arctic-wolf
Summary: Hatred is a kind of obsession with the other person. It's a feeling almost exactly like love. So is that why love turns to hate and hurt turns to love so quickly? Then why take the chance of falling in love? Then again, why not?


**The Memoirs of a Sadist**

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This is my first attempt at a oneshot, so I do hope you enjoy it and please review. Flame if you want, but please give your honest opinion.

Thank you!

-lone-arctic-wolf-

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Summary: Kakashi's point of view on a relationship with a certian former student and himself. 

Rating: T

Pairing: Kakashi and Sakura

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I hate you, at least that's what I tell myself.

I hate everything about you, all that you are, and all that you stand for.

I hate your hair, so glossy and always perfect. How can it be so opposite of mine?

I hate your voice, so sweet and full of innocence. Don't you think about all those you have killed and all the blood?

I hate your smile, so inviting. How can you think of happy thoughts after what you've been through?

I hate your laughter, so uplifting. Two years ago you could not smile, let alone laugh.

I hate your skin, unmarked. After all the battles we have fought, can you actually have no scars from the wounds you've suffered?

I hate your hands, so warm and soft. My hands are rough from the countless missions and weapons I've handled.

I hate your body, small but with many curves. I remember when you used to be jelous of Ino's figure.

I hate your friends, loud and annoying. They can never keep their mouths shut.

I hate your frown, so depressing. Why do you want to talk to me, alone, after our training session?

I hate your eyes, so enticing. They seem to be staring deep into my soul.

I hate your tears, glistening in the light. Haven't I taught you that crying never solved anything?

I hate your words, depressing and sad. Stop thinking about Sasuke! He's in the past now. He's gone!

I hate your look, you're surprised. So what if I just kissed you? I needed to make you stop talking.

I hate your hands, sliding around my neck. You're making me deepen this chaste kiss.

I hate your fingers, tracing patterns on my neck. I just want to take you to my place and make you mine.

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I hate myself, and I know that it's the truth.

I hate my past, my many regrets, everything I am and pretend to be.

I hate my fast finger work, making hand signs. Why is my mind lagging all of a sudden?

I hate my hands, pressing you down upon my bed. This isn't supposed to happen.

I hate my hair, falling onto your face as I lean forward. I should end this right now and send you home.

I hate my eyes, both revealed as you toss my forehead protector away. This is taboo. If anyone found out...

I hate my words, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Why aren't you resisting? Tell me to stop!

I hate my lips, pressed against yours again. You're too young, too innocent to be tainted by me.

I hate my face, a copy of my father's. I'm not called the "Copy nin" for just copyng jutsu. Why are you smirking?

I hate my teeth, biting your bottom lip. You are supposed to tell me to end this, not enjoy it.

I hate my laugh, hollow and bitter. Every one of them so far has been phony, except for this one.

I hate my smile, the way my lips always curve into a smirk. I don't know how to smile, I've never had a reason to before now.

I hate my skin, scarred and bruised. Why do you run your fingers over me, as if you like them?

I hate my habits, dirty and perverted. You shouldn't even be allowed anywhere near me, let alone beneath me now.

I hate my friends, so distant from me. None of them understand what I've been through.

I hate my voice, deep and meaningless. How can I be happy after killing so many? I should't be!

I hate my body, pressed against yours. I'm making you moan from endless pleasure. Just stop, please!

I hate my tears, or the lack of them. How could I have become so robotic? So emotionless?

I hate my scars, ugly and appalling. The sunlight from the open window makes them gleam.

I hate my age, never the right one. I'm too old for you, yet to young to die it seems, for I am still alive.

I hate my weight, slightly crushing you as I collapse. Now you lie there beside me, cuddling against me and falling asleep.

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I hate today, the life I live.

I hate the world, harsh and unpredictable.

I hate the village, making laws that keep us apart.

I hate our pride, making us too stubborn to back down.

I hate our priorities, always putting our village before ourselves.

I hate Sasuke and many others, putting you down and leading you on.

I hate the Hokage for not changing the laws that make our relationship taboo.

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But most of all…

I hate being a sadist…

Always hating, always cruel.

Maybe one-day things will change…

Until then, I'm perfectly happy with you…

The only one I love, the one who makes this life worth living.


End file.
